Monday, January 16, 2012

Please Bare With Me This Week

The week has already started out as a rough one no matter how busy I have tried to keep myself and I have realized that it is finally time to break down and let go only because I have finally learned that letting go doesn't mean forgetting.  I always thought that when people would tell me to let go of this tragedy it was their way of telling me to forget about my first true love, best friend and husband.  I now know that is not the case because no matter what I will never be able to forget that awful night when the Sheriff showed up to tell me that my husband had been killed in a car accident just two days after loosing his grandmother.  Not only was I getting ready to go to a funeral I was now left with planning one at the age of 21 with three very young children who had no idea what was going on. So many say it gets easier with time but I can say that is not the case with everyone, because everyone deals with death differently.  This is something that hit me hard on so many levels.  See I was 12 yrs old when I lost my mother to cancer and I swore up and down my kids would never have to go through such a thing at a young age so when their dad died it was a slap to the face because my daughter was only 3 and my twin boys were only 2.  I do understand that everything happens for a reason whether we know that reason or not, but it doesn't make things easier and holding in this loss for 11 yrs has been a huge struggle on myself.  So if I seem more quiet than normal now everyone knows why. I am not looking for sympathy I am just explaining why I am not my normal self, it will pass I am just asking that everyone bares with me through this week at least.  Thank you.

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